Accepting the Privilege our Ancestors Bestowed

Benefiting from women’s labor without accepting the responsibility continues the legacy of oppression 

What privileges do you enjoy today that occurred on the back of an exhausted Black woman? image credit: Pexels.com/ Mehmet Turgut Kirkgoz

Sometimes I think about my connection to my ancestors, how I carry the smile, love of nature, and love of learning of family members whose names I will never be able to call.  I have gifts, skills and wisdom that have been passed on from generation to generation until they reached me, and now I get to pass them on to my children. I have long known I carry the gifts of my ancestors. However, it is a more recent discovery that I’ve also inherited the responsibility of their transgressions.  

Ancestors of mine have done harm I have benefited from. The first that comes to mind is patriarchy and what it has stolen from the women in my bloodline. Their dreams, health and rest. 

A Ho'oponopono meditation — a Hawaiian prayer/meditation that can be practiced to transmute ancestral trauma — was shared with me by someone I hold dear. I listened to the meditation and the meditation guide asked that we accept the responsibility of our ancestors’ transgressions.  I felt uneasy about accepting responsibility of transgressions that could be so vast and unknown. I resisted.   

Accepting the gifts and the wisdom of my ancestors felt lighter and easier. I wanted the good but wanted to do away with the bad. I caught the hypocrisy: what I could accept the benefit, but not the responsibility. It reminded me of times white people uttered it was my ancestors so long ago, not me, that committed the atrocities and that they had nothing to do with them, while holding their position in the house that racism and sexism built. Reaping the benefits of the legacy of oppression but not being willing to accept any of the responsibility is negligent. 

I could see I was doing the same. Ancestors of mine have done harm I have benefited from. The first that comes to mind is patriarchy and what it has stolen from the women in my bloodline: their dreams, health and rest. 

What also comes to mind is the benefits I reaped from their oppression. I know I've greatly benefited from the imbalance of childcare and home labor that existed in my home between my mother and my father. I know my mother’s labor allowed my dad the time to rest, work longer hours, and pursue his passions. All of that benefited me — the increased income, along with the benefits of having a rested and fulfilled father. Although all of that benefited me, it occurred on the back of my exhausted mother. 

Women who are proximal to men get trickles of benefits, although often at a great cost. Women impacted by wage gaps are less impacted if someone in their household earns on the opposite side of the gap. Women who are not proximal to men can be more vulnerable in a patriarchal structure by design.  

I've been proximal to Black men most of my life, so it must be stated the degree to which I have benefited from proximity to men is influenced by that history. I've been proximal to an oppressed class within a privileged class, so my financial gain from patriarchy does not compare to that of white women or other women who are proximal to white men. While proximity may have benefited our finances, many of our time dreams, hearts and health were the mediums of exchange. 

“Seat of the Soul” by Gary Zukav mentions our dharma, our righteous duty or life purpose, being connected to what life form you embody. If you incarnate as a woman, your purpose is to elevate women. If you incarnate as a Black person, your job is to elevate Black people. If you incarnate as a disabled person, you are here to elevate disabled people. 

However, cremating the karma of your bloodline adds a layer of responsibility beyond just elevating who you are. In your elevation, it holds you responsible for the transgressions of your ancestors. It is within my life path and my ancestral karmic duty to serve women. 

Elevating who you incarnate has a lot to do with evolving, and evolving has much to do with healing. Accepting the benefits of your bloodline without accepting the responsibility is not evolution; it is irresponsibility, and it continues the legacy of oppression. Without a memory of the ancestral transgressions, and the duty to right them, you become a vein of racism, sexism, ableism and all other isms pulsing and keeping them alive. Actively working to understand and transmute the transgressions of your ancestors is what will transform society.