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Dear John | It’s Over, For Real

Dear 2020,

This is a break-up letter. I am sure you haven’t gotten one of these in a while. I feel childish and petty writing this, honestly, but I know this is the best way to communicate my true feelings. It is over. What we had is done.

You probably won’t take any responsibility for the pain and hurt you caused me. I lead you on. I allowed you to come into my life knowing full well I was not ready for you. I ignored my own red flags—the suppressed feelings, sleepless nights, endless tears. I ignored it all and pretended I could handle the 12-month stretch you were offering me.

I pretended this time would be different, knowing full well I wasn’t doing anything differently myself. I didn’t have the strength. I didn’t have anything of substance to give you, and so I pretended I was strong. I pretended I could endure and withstand whatever you planned to throw at me, and I was wrong. I was in no position to invite you in, open minded and open arms. I fooled myself and I fooled you. I should have been honest with you before now, but today is a new day.

Today is the day I deal with those red flags and face my own fears and wants; most importantly, my needs. I can’t continue to carry you with me into this new phase. The memories are too heavy to carry. I am leaving them with you. This is goodbye. And not just for now, but forever.

Sincerely, Melishia


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